My current specialties are Tooth Fairy Tins that can be personalized and Baby Keepsake Tins, which can also be personalized.
Contact me through my store for any questions!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Scrappy Pants -- Open for Business
I'm open for business! I've been crafting for years, mostly with paper crafts such as wedding invitations and scrap booking and I've finally gotten around to putting items up on my Etsy store -- SCRAPPY PANTS. It is a little trying to find time to load my items up there but be a favorite of my store and you'll see more things up there soon I promise!
My current specialties are Tooth Fairy Tins that can be personalized and Baby Keepsake Tins, which can also be personalized.
Contact me through my store for any questions!
My current specialties are Tooth Fairy Tins that can be personalized and Baby Keepsake Tins, which can also be personalized.
Contact me through my store for any questions!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
No Dinner, No Bath, No Nap
Alex is not even one week into full-time preschool. He is really enjoying himself and has already made some new friends which I am so happy about.
But, as I sit here writing this at 7:39pm, my oldest son has been in bed since 5pm. He's missed dinner and he's missed his bath time all because he is so tired. He usually is a once a day napper still but is missing that nap now due to school. I know he still needs it, but I haven't been able to pick him up early enough, say around 3, to give him the chance to sneak a quick nap. We have tried now 3 times to wake him up but he's not budging.
I hope we didn't make a mistake by moving him to a full day school, five days a week too soon.
How did you all adjust to moving nap time around, or worse yet, getting rid of it altogether?
But, as I sit here writing this at 7:39pm, my oldest son has been in bed since 5pm. He's missed dinner and he's missed his bath time all because he is so tired. He usually is a once a day napper still but is missing that nap now due to school. I know he still needs it, but I haven't been able to pick him up early enough, say around 3, to give him the chance to sneak a quick nap. We have tried now 3 times to wake him up but he's not budging.
I hope we didn't make a mistake by moving him to a full day school, five days a week too soon.
How did you all adjust to moving nap time around, or worse yet, getting rid of it altogether?
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Meal Plan Monday
Sunday
One Pot Mac & Cheese, Veggies/Salad --yes for the 3rd week this is making an appearance b/c of getting pushed back
Monday
BOTO - Boys on their own, Mom's Night Out
Tuesday
Chili w/cornbread (prepped on Sunday)
Wednesday
& Spanish rice bake
Thursday
Leftovers
Friday
Out with the family. Cooking on Fridays is the worst!
Saturday
Spaghetti w/meat sauce, salad & garlic bread
Slimming Down Sunday - Week 33
Week 33
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: Again, no change this week. Still eating my packed lunches and not too much snacking. However my first week back at school found me searching for my Coca-Cola and chocolate to stay pumped up and deal with stress.
We went to a baseball game yesterday and there is nothing like having them put the player stats up on the board to make you realize you are overweight yourself. Wah. Wah.
My goal is super close and I'm pretty sure I''m getting to the it's mathematically impossible w/out a major stomach bug point to reach it, but I'm still going to try. Even if I don't make the date, I'm definitely not giving up on the end goal.
Goal Weight:
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: Again, no change this week. Still eating my packed lunches and not too much snacking. However my first week back at school found me searching for my Coca-Cola and chocolate to stay pumped up and deal with stress.
We went to a baseball game yesterday and there is nothing like having them put the player stats up on the board to make you realize you are overweight yourself. Wah. Wah.
My goal is super close and I'm pretty sure I''m getting to the it's mathematically impossible w/out a major stomach bug point to reach it, but I'm still going to try. Even if I don't make the date, I'm definitely not giving up on the end goal.
Goal Weight:
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Friday, August 24, 2012
Laundry Rooms
Ok, on my home tour through Kelly's Korner, I have shown you my Citrus Kitchen and Citrus Bathroom. Well now it is time for my Laundry Room. It is a pretty large room and we haven't done anything to it. The pictures below are the original paint and wallpaper that was here when the house was built in the 70s. I mean honestly, how could I possibly part with this wall paper?? It reads "I hate laundry rooms" if you can't make it out. LOL! And the sunshine yellow walls (yes they match my kitchen countertops) making doing laundry just so cheery. Try not to go pinning it like crazy onto your home boards on Pinterest. I know you love it.
I will say that having a utility sink in a laundry room is a must IMO. I use it so much and it is super handy for cloth diapering.
Feel free to check out my other post about my laundry room when it flooded.
I will say that having a utility sink in a laundry room is a must IMO. I use it so much and it is super handy for cloth diapering.
Feel free to check out my other post about my laundry room when it flooded.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Pirate Party Game - Ring Toss
Why didn't I think of this?! I came across this from Hostess with the Mostess site, my go-to party planning inspiration blog. What an awesome game and pretty inexpensive if you were a savvy shopper and picked up the pirate hooks for $1 at Target along with some swim diving rings also in the $1 spot.
This would've been perfect for Alex's 4th Birthday Pirate Party where we played "Pin the Hook on Captain Hook".
original source: http://blog.hwtm.com/2012/08/preppy-modern-neverland-pirates-party/
This would've been perfect for Alex's 4th Birthday Pirate Party where we played "Pin the Hook on Captain Hook".
Learning Colors - A fun video
I'm a big fan of OK GO and when I found this little gem from their appearance on Sesame Street on YouTube, my boys were hooked. It is a catch tune and as usual, their videos always deliver fantastic elements of creativity.
Check it out.
Another one that is a hit is This Too Shall Pass - the Rube Goldberg Machine version. Check out other guest star appearances on Sesame Street too. Alex's favorite is the Letter N Lullaby by Ricky Gervais.
Check it out.
Another one that is a hit is This Too Shall Pass - the Rube Goldberg Machine version. Check out other guest star appearances on Sesame Street too. Alex's favorite is the Letter N Lullaby by Ricky Gervais.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Baby Essentials
This week's TAT with Growing Up Geeky is favorite baby items. While I'm mostly out of the woods for now of baby items, many of my friend aren't. There's a good chance they'll receive one of the following from me since these were things couldn't live without:
1. Swaddle Me swaddles. I am convinced these little suckers are why I had my babies sleeping 12 hour nights within the first few weeks.
2. The Boppy Pillow. I'm not sure why it's it's so great. It really is just a pillow, but it made nursing so much easier as well as tummy time. I also found it helped with siblings learning to hold their new baby brother or sister.
3. The Fisher Price Rock and Play. This is now my go to shower gift. It is so simple but so helpful. I love the height and how lightweight it is to make it easy to move around. I've had many friends tell me they are so thankful they got it. I'd buy this in a heartbeat versus a bouncy seat. However, the be price hikes on then are crazy! They have nearly doubled in price the past two years.
1. Swaddle Me swaddles. I am convinced these little suckers are why I had my babies sleeping 12 hour nights within the first few weeks.
What are your baby essentials? See what other moms recommend on the Blog Hop this week.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Meal Plan Monday - Back to school
Some of these got pushed back from last week, but we are back to school so I need to stick to the plan now.
Sunday
Yo-Yo (you're on your own)
Monday
Leftover lasagna from freezer
Tuesday
Crockpot Roast beef
Wednesday
One Pot Mac & Cheese, Veggies/SaladThursday
Tomato soup & grilled cheese
Friday
Leftovers
Saturday
Baseball stadium food, yum!Slimming Down Sunday - Week 32
Week 32
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: No change since last week. Good thing too because I ate horribly. Way too many lunches out. Anyways this week is full time back at work with no awesome lunch breaks. I'm prepping my healthy lunches as we speak.
Goal Weight:
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: No change since last week. Good thing too because I ate horribly. Way too many lunches out. Anyways this week is full time back at work with no awesome lunch breaks. I'm prepping my healthy lunches as we speak.
Goal Weight:
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Friday, August 17, 2012
Rubbermaid Lunch Blox
As I've mentioned, the school year is now starting and I am proud to say that with the exception of probably 5 days throughout the year, I pack my lunch the rest of the time. Alex is also going to need his lunch packed too, so when Rubbermaid sent me their new Sandwich LunchBlox kit to review I was excited to see what they had designed.
They sent me their Sandwich LunchBlox (left) for free to try, but I ended up loving it so much that when I spotted their lunch divider tray and the Salad Lunch Blox in the store on sale I picked them up too. The LunchBlox with dividers (middle) is perfect size for Alex's lunch box and comes with 2 dividers inside it that can be removed. I can pack so many yummy things in there.
The Salad LunchBlox (right) has me really excited because I am so tired of having to find containers for all of my salad fixings so they don't get all smooshy by lunch time. Plus the dressing container is a perfect portion.
The best thing I love is the size. I couldn't believe how many lunch containers I found that were huge and barely fit in lunch bags that are out there. The kits are accompanied with ice packs that are nice and slim so they don't take up too much bulk in my lunch bag. The pieces all interlock together for easy organization too. These are definitely going to make my life easier this school year.
More Information from Rubbermaid:
We are very excited to introduce the Rubbermaid LunchBlox Sandwich Kit that saves space and stays organized in any lunch bag! The features of this product include:
Please note that I was sent the Rubbermaid Sandwich LunchBlox kit for free, the other 2 sets I purchased on my own. All opinions expressed in this post are my own as well.
They sent me their Sandwich LunchBlox (left) for free to try, but I ended up loving it so much that when I spotted their lunch divider tray and the Salad Lunch Blox in the store on sale I picked them up too. The LunchBlox with dividers (middle) is perfect size for Alex's lunch box and comes with 2 dividers inside it that can be removed. I can pack so many yummy things in there.
The Salad LunchBlox (right) has me really excited because I am so tired of having to find containers for all of my salad fixings so they don't get all smooshy by lunch time. Plus the dressing container is a perfect portion.
The best thing I love is the size. I couldn't believe how many lunch containers I found that were huge and barely fit in lunch bags that are out there. The kits are accompanied with ice packs that are nice and slim so they don't take up too much bulk in my lunch bag. The pieces all interlock together for easy organization too. These are definitely going to make my life easier this school year.
More Information from Rubbermaid:
We are very excited to introduce the Rubbermaid LunchBlox Sandwich Kit that saves space and stays organized in any lunch bag! The features of this product include:
- Modular containers snap together in to save space in your lunch bag
- Kit includes specially designed Blue Ice™ pack that works with LunchBlox containers to keep lunches chilled on the go
- Containers are perfectly portioned for lunch foods commonly carried away from home
- Microwave-, dishwasher- and freezer-safe and BPA-free
- The Sandwich Kit includes a sandwich container sized for regular and specialty breads, two snack containers (perfect for yogurt or nuts) and a snack container (perfect for fruits, vegetables and
- chips)
Please note that I was sent the Rubbermaid Sandwich LunchBlox kit for free, the other 2 sets I purchased on my own. All opinions expressed in this post are my own as well.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
High School Teacher Gifts
Ok Pinterest, let me tell you something ok. High School Teachers have feelings too you know. It's the night before I go back to my classroom and I see countless teacher gifts being posted on how to get teachers to start off their year great. Make that ELEMENTARY teachers. Once you get to High School teaching status, apparently parents have become totally disengaged and no longer crafty. This is probably in part due to the fact that their teenager has caused them to take up daily alcoholic drinking or be in a Xanax comas, so I suppose I can't put all the blame on the parents.
Here are some gems that some lucky teachers might be getting this year.
Here is my simple wish list
Here are some gems that some lucky teachers might be getting this year.
Here is my simple wish list
- Gum & Snacks. I chew gum daily and I still think I'm professional. I'm not blowing bubbles for crying out loud. Also, I tend to bribe my kids with candy sometimes, so you buying me a big Cosco bag of it will save my wallet.
- Expo Markers. Non-generic in fun colors. I'm easy to please :)
- Caffeine. Must have daily. I'd love to splurge on Starbucks everyday, but we don't have a drive thru and I'm usually running late so McCrap Cafe it is usually, although Tim Hortons coffee is yummy.
- Clorox wipes. I go through these a lot considering the germ factory that my desks are. Hand Sanitizer is also a must have.
- Kleenex. Non-generic. Again easy to please.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The Balanced Life
This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is finding balance in your life.
Does this even exist? I'm hoping so.
There is a lot I try to accomplish. Keeping up withKardashians Me:
I'm not sure how I make all work to be honest. I think I go through cycles for sure:
Does this even exist? I'm hoping so.
There is a lot I try to accomplish. Keeping up with
- Wife and all it's duties
- Mother, nuture nuture nuture
- Teacher & Professional Development
- Friends/Socializing
- Managing Finances
- Hobbies, I just want to play!
- Homemaker - laundry, cleaning, yard stuff
- My up & coming Etsy Shop
- Blogging
- Cooking / Meal Planning
- Working out, trying to lose weight
- Family Obligations
- Kid Activities (none exist yet)
I'm not sure how I make all work to be honest. I think I go through cycles for sure:
- Auto-pilot- this is when I don't even know a week has flown by but somehow all systems are stable
- PMS meltdown- this is where I find myself at least once a month about 48 hours before her arrival that I find myself crying over everything that was usually triggered by nothing
- Ann Taylor mode- this is where I carry myself like a true confident woman handling everything with class and style....this mode rarely makes an appearance
- Segment mode - This one is where I just try to focus on one thing at a time, but that can backfire when other things get neglected. I use this one a lot.
- Firefighter mode- This is where I run around like a crazy woman trying to get things in put back together because too many of them have gotten away from me. This also might be caused from my awesome procrastination skillz.
- Goldilocks mode - this is where everything is just right, just enough. Not too much, not too little. I'm not good at everything, but I'm not neglecting things either. This is my zen mode. My balance mode. The key to staying in this mode is letting things slide off your back and realizing everything doesn't have to be perfect to still add up to 100%.
Vacation Recap -- Part I
So our nice relaxing vacation last month that was to be a splendid 9 days of R&R for us as a family didn't quiet turn out that way.
Days 1-2: Were uneventful and casually spent at my brother-in-law's house. I spent most of my time chasing the kids and trying to keep them from destroying his house as well as trying to find ear plugs for the TV that was kept at full volume for some reason. I did get a little time in their pool and eyed their keg-orator in their outdoor kitchen, but we didn't put it to use.
Day 3: I get a call from my brother that "if I want to see my mom alive, come home now". I immediately lose it and freak out. I start looking for flights, trying to figure out how to cancel our place at the beach and then fighting with myself if I should just fly home myself and let Scooter and the boys have fun at the beach without me. By that evening I get a phone call that it is a false alarm and she is really not that bad off, just a bad UTI. WTH? Thanks for the emotional roller coaster. I still play the rest of the vacation by ear checking on her and ready to leave a moments notice.
Day 4-5: We make the trip down to N. Myrtle Beach and check into our condo at Seaside Resorts. It is a pretty decent condo with spectacular views. We get professional pictures taken on the beach and I actually was pleased with them. Things get a little frazzled with the kids and brother in law's family (they have a 3 month old) but so far we are enjoying the beach and enjoyed a night out. Then all hell breaks loose.
Recognize that ^ ? If so, you are familiar with bed bugs. This is what I was greeted with as I went to tuck my oldest in bed. It was also midnight. The other two babies were asleep in different rooms. I had checked the beds the first night, but apparently not good enough. So we call the front desk and they move us to another room---a much smaller room for the 7 of us---but it is just for 1 night b/c they are sold out the rest of our stay. They book us another room at their sister resort. We had to pack up everything into plastic bags and I wasn't taking any chances. Thankfully our condo had a washer and dryer too b/c I started washing everything on hot immediately.
Day 6: I go to speak with the manager trying to figure out where we are supposed to go b/c we have to be out of our room by 11am. She is apologetic and agrees to refund our entire stay including that night which is our last night. I'm more than pleasant and pleased that we have come to this resolution, even if our new room is 20 minutes away and is only 2 bedrooms instead of the 3 we originally booked. Game on with our vacation...or so I think. Brother-in-law says "Peace Out" at this point and his family heads back home having enough drama and too little space.
Day 7-8: We stay at our last night with the resort and then decided to get another night some place else b/c that hotel was sold out too and we lost a day at the beach...so that makes 3 hotels in 3 days within a 20 min. radius, but dammit, I wanted the boys to play on the beach.
Day 9-10: Was visiting my Happy Place (aka, my old college town) and getting to see my bestie and her newborn baby girl and toddler girl. Happy at last, but sad too b/c we had to cut our visit short. It all ends with a cookout at my uncle's with my mom who was doing better at this point than earlier in the week.
So not much R&R, but things could've been way worse. However, upon my return, I find out that the hotel completely tried to bamboozle us and charge us for our last night with them. This leads to some high blood pressure from me and a social media blitzkrieg on them to counter their lies. Stay tuned to hear more about this little gem of a story in Part II.
Days 1-2: Were uneventful and casually spent at my brother-in-law's house. I spent most of my time chasing the kids and trying to keep them from destroying his house as well as trying to find ear plugs for the TV that was kept at full volume for some reason. I did get a little time in their pool and eyed their keg-orator in their outdoor kitchen, but we didn't put it to use.
Day 3: I get a call from my brother that "if I want to see my mom alive, come home now". I immediately lose it and freak out. I start looking for flights, trying to figure out how to cancel our place at the beach and then fighting with myself if I should just fly home myself and let Scooter and the boys have fun at the beach without me. By that evening I get a phone call that it is a false alarm and she is really not that bad off, just a bad UTI. WTH? Thanks for the emotional roller coaster. I still play the rest of the vacation by ear checking on her and ready to leave a moments notice.
Day 4-5: We make the trip down to N. Myrtle Beach and check into our condo at Seaside Resorts. It is a pretty decent condo with spectacular views. We get professional pictures taken on the beach and I actually was pleased with them. Things get a little frazzled with the kids and brother in law's family (they have a 3 month old) but so far we are enjoying the beach and enjoyed a night out. Then all hell breaks loose.
Recognize that ^ ? If so, you are familiar with bed bugs. This is what I was greeted with as I went to tuck my oldest in bed. It was also midnight. The other two babies were asleep in different rooms. I had checked the beds the first night, but apparently not good enough. So we call the front desk and they move us to another room---a much smaller room for the 7 of us---but it is just for 1 night b/c they are sold out the rest of our stay. They book us another room at their sister resort. We had to pack up everything into plastic bags and I wasn't taking any chances. Thankfully our condo had a washer and dryer too b/c I started washing everything on hot immediately.
Day 6: I go to speak with the manager trying to figure out where we are supposed to go b/c we have to be out of our room by 11am. She is apologetic and agrees to refund our entire stay including that night which is our last night. I'm more than pleasant and pleased that we have come to this resolution, even if our new room is 20 minutes away and is only 2 bedrooms instead of the 3 we originally booked. Game on with our vacation...or so I think. Brother-in-law says "Peace Out" at this point and his family heads back home having enough drama and too little space.
Day 7-8: We stay at our last night with the resort and then decided to get another night some place else b/c that hotel was sold out too and we lost a day at the beach...so that makes 3 hotels in 3 days within a 20 min. radius, but dammit, I wanted the boys to play on the beach.
Day 9-10: Was visiting my Happy Place (aka, my old college town) and getting to see my bestie and her newborn baby girl and toddler girl. Happy at last, but sad too b/c we had to cut our visit short. It all ends with a cookout at my uncle's with my mom who was doing better at this point than earlier in the week.
So not much R&R, but things could've been way worse. However, upon my return, I find out that the hotel completely tried to bamboozle us and charge us for our last night with them. This leads to some high blood pressure from me and a social media blitzkrieg on them to counter their lies. Stay tuned to hear more about this little gem of a story in Part II.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Meal Plan Monday
Monday
Beef Stroganoff w/ veggies
Tuesday
Leftover lasagna from freezerWednesday
Crockpot Lemon Chicken w/ quinoaThursday
One Pot Mac & Cheese, Veggies/SaladFriday
LeftoversSaturday
Out of TownSlimming Down Sunday - Week 31
Week 31
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: + 1.6 pounds this week and my time to get to my goal is shrinking! I've been slacking majorly in the journaling area. I am going back to work this week and hopefully that means organized meals and less snacking!
Goal Weight:
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: + 1.6 pounds this week and my time to get to my goal is shrinking! I've been slacking majorly in the journaling area. I am going back to work this week and hopefully that means organized meals and less snacking!
Goal Weight:
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Summer Bucket List -- Final Tally.
I know some of you think summer goes on for a couple of more weeks, but I'm t-minus 4 days until I'm back at work and that means summer is over in my book.
Below is what I accomplished:
It was a great summer, but definitely I think it goes down as one of the fastest. I hope you all enjoyed yours!
Below is what I accomplished:
- Spend time with Mom
- have an Indoor Picnic (for a rainy day)
- Skills & Enrichment for the boys
- Visit Library
- Outdoor Picnic
- Color Scavenger Hunt
- Vacation with my DH
- Ride my bike
- Swim
- Vacation with the family
- squirt gun fight
- Have a garage sale
- Read a chapter book with Alex
- Clear out the craft room
- Foil River
- Scavenger Hunt
- Wash Car
- Go to a park program
- Work with Alex on riding his bike
- Rollerblading
- Catch lightning bugs
- Water balloon
- Shop at the farmers' markets
- Visit a county fair
- Get carpets stretched in Master Bedroom
- Paint Master Bedroom
It was a great summer, but definitely I think it goes down as one of the fastest. I hope you all enjoyed yours!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Mom Update
I'm trying to even process all that happened yesterday. I think somewhere along the line a screw broke loose in my brain and I can't cry anymore.
My mom has had a very bad week with her health declining from the Cancer. She had a bad scare about 2 weeks ago while we were on vacation too (yes, I know I haven't written about that yet). It turns out that was just a bad UTI and she recovered. This week her symptoms seem different. She is vomiting nearly all she eats and her skin is getting very blotchy. She is in pain, but not to severe as she is getting morphine every hour. Her activity time and endurance is lessened as well. Except for the cigarettes. I can't tell you how much I loathe the cigarettes. Yes, they apparently are the only thing giving her comfort, but good lord she is smoking one after the other.
Yesterday was a planned visit (I live 2 hours away). My mom, my brother, her partner, and myself were all supposed to meet with her therapist for a session to discuss God knows what. Well, we of course had to sit out in the parking lot in the sprinkling rain and wind so mom could smoke. Fucking cigarettes--sorry for my potty mouth, I inherited it from her.
Anyways it was miserable. I'm pretty sure my heart completely fell out of my chest and rolled into the street and was run over by a car. You see my biggest issue right now is that I have no formation of an image to hold on to my mom with. It is hard for me to picture what I want to remember her as, and even harder for me to fill that image up with happy memories. I love my mom, I do. I love her hugs and I know I'll remember those, but that is about all I've got. It isn't that my childhood was all negative, but the majority of it was, especially from 12 on. I mean I didn't even have a decent conversation as adult with my mom until 2 years ago. The memory and image I want to have of her is from my perspective of a little girl, not an adult. I've got nada in this department.
So this brings me back to where my heart yesterday fell out. The therapist asked my mom if she could share any experiences with me that were special between us when I was little. Silence. Not a peep. I really wanted to blame on the fact she wasn't well and the cancer that her mind couldn't speak, but it killed me. I guess maybe when I think of myself on the way out of this world I'll be comforted by my children and husband hopefully and recalling the memories and lives we made together. But there my mother sat with nothing to share. I'm not sure if anyone else in the group saw it, my brother did I think.
I didn't get into anything else during the session. We talked briefly about what her wishes are when the time comes that she passes. We'll split the ashes between the three of us. My brother was diplomatic during the session and just stressed to my mom that she needs to be at peace and to not be afraid to die. We then ended up going back to her house. She got into her hospital bed and essentially passed out from exhaustion. My brother and I stood over her and held her hands. I swear it felt like she was going to go at that moment. Again my heart was falling out of my chest in raging pain. I don't know how much more I can stand her to be in this state. I don't want it for her. I say goodbye every time like it is my last, I'm so drained.
I ended up coming back home last night. I feel guilty being so far away but I've got to take care of my boys, and it is easier for me to run away and come back later. I hate that because I don't want my brother to be there alone. I might go back tomorrow. I start school next week and am trying not to stress over the two events colliding. I really pray for my brother right now through all of this. We handle things differently but are super close. To say his world is a cluster fuck right now is an understatement, I'm so worried about him.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
My mom has had a very bad week with her health declining from the Cancer. She had a bad scare about 2 weeks ago while we were on vacation too (yes, I know I haven't written about that yet). It turns out that was just a bad UTI and she recovered. This week her symptoms seem different. She is vomiting nearly all she eats and her skin is getting very blotchy. She is in pain, but not to severe as she is getting morphine every hour. Her activity time and endurance is lessened as well. Except for the cigarettes. I can't tell you how much I loathe the cigarettes. Yes, they apparently are the only thing giving her comfort, but good lord she is smoking one after the other.
Yesterday was a planned visit (I live 2 hours away). My mom, my brother, her partner, and myself were all supposed to meet with her therapist for a session to discuss God knows what. Well, we of course had to sit out in the parking lot in the sprinkling rain and wind so mom could smoke. Fucking cigarettes--sorry for my potty mouth, I inherited it from her.
Anyways it was miserable. I'm pretty sure my heart completely fell out of my chest and rolled into the street and was run over by a car. You see my biggest issue right now is that I have no formation of an image to hold on to my mom with. It is hard for me to picture what I want to remember her as, and even harder for me to fill that image up with happy memories. I love my mom, I do. I love her hugs and I know I'll remember those, but that is about all I've got. It isn't that my childhood was all negative, but the majority of it was, especially from 12 on. I mean I didn't even have a decent conversation as adult with my mom until 2 years ago. The memory and image I want to have of her is from my perspective of a little girl, not an adult. I've got nada in this department.
So this brings me back to where my heart yesterday fell out. The therapist asked my mom if she could share any experiences with me that were special between us when I was little. Silence. Not a peep. I really wanted to blame on the fact she wasn't well and the cancer that her mind couldn't speak, but it killed me. I guess maybe when I think of myself on the way out of this world I'll be comforted by my children and husband hopefully and recalling the memories and lives we made together. But there my mother sat with nothing to share. I'm not sure if anyone else in the group saw it, my brother did I think.
I didn't get into anything else during the session. We talked briefly about what her wishes are when the time comes that she passes. We'll split the ashes between the three of us. My brother was diplomatic during the session and just stressed to my mom that she needs to be at peace and to not be afraid to die. We then ended up going back to her house. She got into her hospital bed and essentially passed out from exhaustion. My brother and I stood over her and held her hands. I swear it felt like she was going to go at that moment. Again my heart was falling out of my chest in raging pain. I don't know how much more I can stand her to be in this state. I don't want it for her. I say goodbye every time like it is my last, I'm so drained.
I ended up coming back home last night. I feel guilty being so far away but I've got to take care of my boys, and it is easier for me to run away and come back later. I hate that because I don't want my brother to be there alone. I might go back tomorrow. I start school next week and am trying not to stress over the two events colliding. I really pray for my brother right now through all of this. We handle things differently but are super close. To say his world is a cluster fuck right now is an understatement, I'm so worried about him.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Slimming Down Sunday -- Week 30
Week 30
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: Whew, I made it through vacation #2 without any weight gain. I am so ready to get back to school and eat balanced lunches and meals on a schedule.
Goal Weight:
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Total Difference: -8 lbs. since Thanksgiving
Notes: Whew, I made it through vacation #2 without any weight gain. I am so ready to get back to school and eat balanced lunches and meals on a schedule.
Goal Weight:
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Goal Date: 10/15/12 - my 7 year wedding anniversary
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This Used to Be My Playground
I'm back from vacation and have so many posts I want to share but not enough time in the day! I'll start off my return with Growing Up Geeky's TAT regarding pets.
This is our little man Brutus. We had him first, before the marriage, before the kids. He was about 4 shades darker then vs. the grey he is now. I think most days he'd love to have us go back to the days before kids, but I also know that he loves being my "sweeper" under the dinner table. If you have toddlers, I highly recommend getting a dog. You'll save yourself so much time with the broom and mop. Enjoy the picture below when Cameron was only a couple of weeks old.
This is our little man Brutus. We had him first, before the marriage, before the kids. He was about 4 shades darker then vs. the grey he is now. I think most days he'd love to have us go back to the days before kids, but I also know that he loves being my "sweeper" under the dinner table. If you have toddlers, I highly recommend getting a dog. You'll save yourself so much time with the broom and mop. Enjoy the picture below when Cameron was only a couple of weeks old.
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